Relationships often go through challenging periods, where one or both partners may feel uncertain about their future together. Whether it’s due to unresolved conflicts, growing emotional distance or differing expectations, these moments of doubt can leave couples feeling stuck.
Discernment counseling offers a supportive environment for couples to evaluate their options and gain clarity on their desires for the future.
What is Discernment Counselling?
Discernment counseling is designed for couples who are unsure about whether they want to continue their relationship, separate or get a divorce. In many cases, these couples are in a mixed-agenda situation, where one partner feels little hope for the future of the relationship, while the other still believes there is potential for improvement.
The goal of discernment counseling is to help couples gain clarity and confidence about their future, by better understanding the underlying issues that have led them to this point. By the end of the process, each person can make an informed decision about whether to end the relationship or make a concerted effort to repair it.
Discernment Counselling vs Couples Counselling
Discernment counselling and couples counselling serve different purposes and cater to couples at distinct stages in their relationship.
What Discernment Counselling Can Help With
Aside from helping couples minimise conflict and decide whether to repair the relationship or move towards separation, these are some other areas where discernment counselling can help:
- Identifies Contributions: Encourages both partners to reflect on how they each contribute to relationship issues
- Eases Separation: If separation is chosen, it helps reduce emotional turmoil and guides the process with understanding and respect
- Prepares for Couples Therapy: If moving forward with therapy, discernment counseling helps identify core issues and each partner’s needs for meaningful change
- Improves Communication: Supports the development of healthier communication skills between partners
- Addresses Emotional Challenges: Helps navigate key issues like anger, resentment, stress, and trust
- Fosters Emotional Growth: Encourages acceptance, forgiveness and compassion
- Builds Self-Awareness: Promotes understanding of personal contributions to the relationship’s dynamics
How Does Discernment Counselling Work?
The primary goal of discernment counselling is not to resolve relationship issues, but to help each partner decide whether they are willing to work on the relationship or if separation is the best choice.
Counsellors act as a mediator, guiding the couple through their differing perspectives. In each session, the counsellor dedicates time to working with the couple together, as well as meeting with each partner individually. This allows the counsellor to understand both the dynamics of the relationship and the individual concerns, feelings and goals of each partner.
Couples will then be presented with 3 possible paths:
01| Remain Status Quo
This path may involve accepting the current state of the relationship, acknowledging areas of difficulty and deciding to continue as it is for the time being. Through discernment counselling, the couple gains clarity on what is working and what isn’t, giving each partner the space to reflect on their needs. The option allows for continued communication and a chance to address underlying concerns without rushing to a resolution.
02 | End the relationship and pursue separation or divorce
If partners decide that separation is the best choice, it’s important to have support during the transition from a romantic relationship to practical co-parenting or navigating divorce. For couples with children, crucial decisions must be made to minimise emotional harm. Collaborative divorce can help make this process more amicable, ensuring a smoother emotional transition.
03 | Commit to a six-month effort to repair the relationship
If couples choose this path, the counsellor helps them explore their strengths and weaknesses, communication styles and conflict management strategies. At this point, the process shifts into couples counselling. The couple agrees to put the idea of divorce on hold for the six-month period, focusing instead on personal growth and improving their relationship. After six months, the couple will reassess their progress and decide on their next steps, whether that means continuing to work on the relationship or exploring other options.
During the session, the professional therapist may ask key questions to guide the process, such as:
- What led you to consider ending the relationship?
- What efforts have been made to fix the relationship?
- Are you willing to work on changing your contributions to the marriage?
- How do children (if applicable) factor into the decision?
- What were the best moments in your relationship?
Benefits of Discernment Counselling
Discernment counseling offers couples a structured and supportive environment during a difficult and uncertain time in their relationship. It provides a safe space for open, honest conversations, helping both partners gain clarity about their feelings and where the relationship stands. By exploring different options, couples can better understand each other’s perspectives and determine if they are both willing to work on the issues they face.
Our Therapists for Discernment Counselling
All our counsellors hold Master’s degrees in counseling and are trained in various therapeutic approaches to meet the unique needs of each client.
Sophia Goh
Principal Counsellor
Sophia centres her practice around the principles of positive psychology, aiming to help couples rebuild and strengthen their relationships. She works to bring out the best in each partner, fostering personal growth and creating a more fulfilling and resilient relationship.
Sophia Goh
Principal Counsellor
Sophia centres her practice around the principles of positive psychology, aiming to help couples rebuild and strengthen their relationships. She works to bring out the best in each partner, fostering personal growth and creating a more fulfilling and resilient relationship.
Wong Hui Yu
Counsellor
Hui Yu uses Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to guide couples through their relationship challenges. She fosters greater understanding and resilience, helping partners navigate difficulties and strengthen their connection.
Our Discernment Counselling Fees
Our counselling sessions can be held in person at our office or online for your convenience. Our fees for online counselling are the same as in-person sessions.
| Consultation | Duration | Senior Counsellor |
|---|---|---|
| Phone Screen | 15 min | $20 (per individual) |
| Initial Session | 120 min | $400 |
| Subsequent Session | 90 min | $350 |
FAQs about Discernment Counselling
Shouldn’t we work through our problems on our own?
While it’s certainly valuable for couples to try and resolve their issues on their own, seeking external help, like therapy and counselling, can be incredibly beneficial. Attempting to resolve deep-rooted issues without guidance can sometimes lead to further conflict and misunderstanding.
A therapist can provide tools, strategies and insights that might be difficult to access on your own, especially if emotions are high or communication is challenging. It’s not about avoiding self resolution, but rather having support when needed to strengthen the relationship.
How many sessions do couples generally need for discernment counselling?
Discernment counselling is a short-term process, typically lasting between one and five sessions. After each session, the couple decides together whether to continue, up to a maximum of five sessions. If you have any questions or need more information about the process, please don’t hesitate to contact us.
What is the difference between couples or marriage counselling and discernment counselling?
Couples or marriage counselling focuses on helping partners address and resolve ongoing conflicts. Discernment counselling, on the other hand, is designed for couples who are uncertain about their relationship and are trying to decide whether to work on their issues, separate, or explore other options. It encourages both partners to slow down, reflect and carefully consider their options before making a final decision.
Is discernment counselling only for married couples?
No! Discernment counselling can be beneficial for any couple, whether legally married or not. It is designed for couples experiencing uncertainty about their relationship and unsure whether to continue working on it or to separate.
